Last Thought As I go To Bed™️ part 3

July 30, 2016

 Last thought as I go to bed - 

Awake. 

WIIIIIDE awake. Mom used to say "Close your eyes and pretend you're asleep, until you are". Nonsense. Hats about as truthful as "when you start paying the bills, you Can make the rules!"  I'm laying here, exhausted. But I have far too much in my head and on my mind to sleep. In 5 days, I will have actually lived longer than my father did (buon anima). My children are mostly all grown. In fact the only "underage" one I have, has been more mature than me since she was about 12. They're responsible adults. I'm a grandfather. When did WE become the "old folks at the barbecue"!? And I'm watching some of my peers pass so young. I'm watching some of my heroes go as well. It makes me wonder, how long do I have? At what age will my body decide "Hey, remember all those years of speed, coke, alcohol, cigarettes, hard-living and hard-partying you did? Time to pay the fuckin piper, son!" Will I be loved when I'm gone? Will I be missed? Have I really left that strong of an impression or made that much of a difference in those that life put around me? Was my impact positive? Will I be surrounded by my loved ones? Or will I die alone? 

Isn't it FUN being inside of my mind? 

By the way, while you're here, the soundtrack being currently played on W.A.D.E hits and oldies radio, is "Heartaches By The Number" by Ray Price. 

Now I look at the clock and see its after 0200hrs (*Gunny Highway Voice* That's 2am for those of you that don't habla!) and my brain is going "Yo, it ain't but 11pm PST, Mr California Boy!"  Thanks. Jerk. Ah well, in a few short hours my alarm will go off to take my antibiotics (for those of you asleep for the last week, I had to have an infected toe amputated). I better try mom's sleep recipe one more time, for all the good it'll do me.  

Goodnight, you little bastards. I love you all. 

Yes,

Even you.

Sept 22, 2022

Last Thought As I Go To Bed™

I've never understood making threats of any kind, open or veiled. The only time I really came close at all was when I advised a friend who was about to make a costly decision,

"Please remember this. By your admission, you've never been in a fight in your whole life. I make a living at it. You probably don't want ME to be your first."  

That wasn't a threat. I genuinely love the guy and didn't want to have to hurt him. 

Before there was an internet, there was my father who told me "if you threaten, they will be watching you. Never tip your hand that way."  Reading The Godfather (Never make unnecessary threats. And if YOU'RE threatened, weigh the threat. If it has merit, deal with it accordingly. If not, dismiss the threat and lower your opinion of the one who made it), and The Art of War (Never exhaust your own resources to fight. Make your opponent come to YOU and exhaust his own resources to do so), reenforced my father's words.  

I also believe in letting people think I'm not noticing what's going on around me. Better for you to think I'm stupid, and let you make the mistakes that strengthen my position. 

If Tom Hagen had been Sicilian, and sonny had been more like his father, he wouldn't have been killed on the causeway. 

Goodnight, you little bastards. I love you all. 

Yes, even you, foolish and reckless person. I can love you and disassociate myself from you at the same time.